Love Your Enemies

There were two posts on CougarBoard recently where a board member shared an experience he had in his neighborhood  that exemplifies the importance and power of loving your enemies. I am posting some excerpts from the posts here.

Post 1 - Question for the legal minded

[We live on] a semi affluent street in So Cal. ... We have lots of older quieter neighbors. Professionals, business owners etc. Last month a super rich family buys a 850K house cash and puts their son in it. ... The son is mid 20s and is a pro dirt bike rider.

The house is on the other side of the street so I don't see or hear him much, but the families that live on that end are some friends of ours. To put it mildly he is terrorizing the neighborhood. The police have been to his house no less than 30 times this month. Sadly he is doing it at this point to be mean. He plays music at [deafening] sound at ALL hours of the night. Drives erratically endangering kids and old folks. He uses the most foul mean and terrible language at everyone, and I mean everyone he deals with.

At this point it's not my problem. But I'm concerned he will start running off good people. Any suggestions?

His family is uber wealthy and apparently pretty defensive of him. Apparently they sued his school district after he berated his teacher in high school so they may be pretty defensive about their son.

Post 2 - Return and report: don't judge a book by its cover

On Friday night I got a text from one of the neighbors soliciting money to start a legal fund to go after the new neighbor. I told her I wanted some time to think about it and didn't think I was ready to get involved at that level.

That night our kids made Christmas cookies. My mother in law coincidentally sent us the light the world challenge to light he world of an enemy. Like i mentioned previously, I've had no issues with the dude, but the problem has gotten pretty bad for the neighborhood as a whole. So my wife and I make a plate of cookies, grab one of our Christmas cards and walk down to the guys house. After I knocked I heard a very defensive voice on the other side asking who was there. To be honest I was a little nervous because I was now in his world and I know he's a gun enthusiast and from what I'd been told "mentally unstable."

After he answers we give him the cookies and card and everything about him changed. Long story short he ends up coming down to our house and played cards ... until almost midnight. ...

Turns out the dude is really normal. He is a three tour Iraq and Afghanistan marine vet, college grad, full time electrical engineer with a 13 year old very well behaved son that he has 100% custody of.

Clearly he lacks some maturity and he's lashing out in retaliation against the neighbors for calling the cops on him everyday. It's sad because he's doing it because he feels like everyone is treating him like an outcast. Since he moved in not one neighbor came to introduce themselves to him or welcome him to the neighborhood. They only responded by calling the cops instead of just going over and talking to him.

He's mostly to blame in the situation, but it's interesting to hear the other side of the story. It's also sad to see the people who waged war on this guy are supposedly the more Christian/Mormon RS president bishop types, but never acted even a little bit Christlike toward a guy who just looked different from day one.

Almost all the info I'd gotten up to the point I met the guy came from other neighbors who created a mob mentality against [him].

I started advocating for the guy yesterday and surprise, everyone's cooler heads prevailed and now everyone just wants to get along and everyone apologized for acting like jerks to each other.

Last night he came over and gave me a hug and thanked me for reaching out to him because he was pretty depressed that everyone had treated him so poorly before they gave him a chance. Granted he could have done a lot to fix the problem. Pretty crazy what happens when we just go out and talk to our neighbors.

It is important to remember to be kind to everyone. Give people the benefit of the doubt and try to see things from their perspective. A little bit of patience goes a long way.

Source: CougarBoard

Serve Thy Neighbor

Sometimes it's easy to miss some of the greatest opportunities to serve others because we are distracted or because we are looking for ambitious ways to change the world and we don't see that some of the most significant needs we can meet are within our own families, among our friends, in our wards, and in our communities. We are touched when we see the suffering and great needs of those halfway around the world, but we may fail to see there is a person who needs our friendship sitting right next to us in class.

Sister Linda K. Burton told the story of a stake Relief Society president who, working with others, collected quilts for people in need during the 1990s. "She and her daughter drove a truck filled with those quilts from London to Kosovo. On her journey home she received an unmistakable spiritual impression that sank deep into her heart. The impression was this: 'What you have done is a very good thing. Now go home, walk across the street, and serve your neighbor!'"

What good does it do to save the world if we neglect the needs of those closest to us and those whom we love the most? How much value is there in fixing the world if the people around us are falling apart and we don’t notice? Heavenly Father may have placed those who need us closest to us, knowing that we are best suited to meet their needs.

Don't miss the opportunities to serve that are all around you because you are looking only for a way to change the world. Often it is the little things that end up making the biggest difference.

Source: The Needs Before Us, by Bonnie L. Oscarson

An Instrument in the Lord's Hand

When a reporter tried to recognize Mother Teresa for her life's mission to help the poor, she retorted: "It's [God's] work. I am like a … pencil in his hand. … He does the thinking. He does the writing. The pencil has nothing to do with it. The pencil has only to be allowed to be used."

We can be involved in the Lord's work. We just need to be ready and willing to do what He wants, and then remember to give the credit to God for what He was able to accomplish through us.

Source: I Have a Work for Thee, by Elder John C. Pingree Jr.

Windows of Gold

There was a girl who lived on a hill on one side of a valley. Each late afternoon she noticed on the hill on the opposite side of the valley a house that had shining, golden windows. Her own home was small and somewhat shabby, and the girl dreamed of living in that beautiful house with windows of gold.

One day the girl was given permission to ride her bike across the valley. She eagerly rode until she reached the house with the golden windows that she had admired for so long. But when she dismounted from her bike, she saw that the house was abandoned and dilapidated, with tall weeds in the yard and windows that were plain and dirty. Sadly, the girl turned her face toward home. To her surprise, she saw a house with shining, golden windows on the hill across the valley and soon realized it was her very own home!

There are two important things I learn from this story.

1. We may envy what we see that others may have. But it is just as likely that those other people are also looking at us with envy. It is important to recognize that we have everything if we have a knowledge of the Gospel. The grass is not greener elsewhere. Learn to love and enjoy what you do have. If you cannot be content with what you have you will likely not be content no matter what you have.

2. No matter what our circumstances, we can try to reflect the light of the Savior. In this story, the beautiful golden shine came from the sun, not from the house. If we strive to have the Spirit with us, we can reflect the Savior's light and love. They will look at us and see Him, despite our shortcomings and weaknesses.

Source: Jean B. Bingham

Sacrifice Brings Forth the Blessings of Heaven

The words "sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven," from the hymn "Praise to the Man," always stir my soul. Sacrifice is defined as "the act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else more important or worthy." Sacrifice comes in many forms and may not always be convenient. Latter-day Saints make a covenant with the Lord to sacrifice. By doing so, we surrender our will to His, dedicating our lives to building up His kingdom and serving His children.
Elder Robert K. Dellenbach

We are asked to sacrifice many things, but for each of those sacrifices there is a blessing given. And usually the thing we are sacrificing is not the best thing for us anyway. So really what are we "sacrificing"? Would you call it a sacrifice to give up a ball of mud for a diamond?

Here are a few of the things we are regularly asked to sacrifice, and some of the blessings which are attached.

Tithing and Offerings

10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts.
Mal 3:10-11

Fasting

Upon practicing the law of the fast, one finds a personal well-spring of power to overcome self-indulgence and selfishness.
President Spencer W. Kimball

Keeping the commandments

Consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual.
Mosiah 2:41

Service/Time

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matt 6:33

In reality, all these things that we are asked to sacrifice are things that were given to us by our Heavenly Father in the first place.

20 I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

21 I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

22 And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

23 And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.

24 And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?

25 And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you.
Mosiah 2:20-25

So if all those things are not really ours to give, is there anything we can give which really would be a sacrifice? Yes.

Our challenge is to unselfishly sacrifice all that we have been given, including our will. Elder Neal A. Maxwell rightly said: "The submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. The many other things we 'give' … are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us."

Sacrifice is ultimately a matter of the heart. "Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind." If we are caring, if we are charitable, if we are obedient to God and follow His prophets, our sacrifices will bring forth the blessings of heaven. "And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit."
Elder Robert K. Dellenbach

One of the purposes of our sacrifices is to increase our faith so that we can be instruments in the Lord's hands.

Joseph Smith declared on one occasion: "I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; … with all hell knocking off a corner here and a corner there, and thus I will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty."
President Gordon B. Hinckley

Sometimes, what we are asked to sacrifice may not make sense to us. We may be tempted to exclaim that the request is unreasonable or that it makes no sense. Instead we should look at it as an opportunity to receive greater blessings because of our obedience.

In 2001, about 140 Peruvian members from the remote city of Iquitos accepted a divine challenge to be sealed to their families for eternity in the temple.

Iquitos sits on the banks of the Amazon River in northeastern Peru, separated from the rest of the country by some of the world’s largest waterways and the Andes Mountains to the west. Traveling to the temple in Lima via air was expensive and, for most of the members, not an option.

Still, they resolved to be obedient and claim their temple blessings. Under the guidance of local leaders, the members embarked on the first full-fledged temple trip from Iquitos. They spent several days traveling west on boats on the mighty Amazon and Maranon rivers before climbing aboard buses that would ascend the treacherous dirt roads snaking high into the Andes. After a week of exhausting travel, the Iquitos members arrived in Lima.
LDS Church News

When these members were challenged to get to the temple they knew it would take great sacrifice. They could have murmered, saying it was unreasonable, and not obeyed. But they decided to accept the challenge. They were greatly blessed because of it.

A story told by President Monson illustrates a similar point.

I recall an experience I had in the 1970s when I was responsible for the work of the Church in what we called East Germany, or the German Democratic Republic.

The government of East Germany would not allow Church materials to be taken into the country. So I was asked by President Spencer W. Kimball to memorize the new edition of what we then called the General Handbook of Instructions, to cross the border into East Germany, and then to type the handbook for the faithful Church leaders there. Although it would have been impossible for anyone to actually memorize the entire book, I did study it thoroughly and learned the concepts from cover to cover. I traveled to East Germany and asked the Church leaders there for an office, a typewriter, and a ream of paper. I commenced typing.

An hour or two—and many pages—later, I stood up to stretch, glanced around the room, and noticed on a bookshelf behind me a copy of the new edition of the General Handbook of Instructions in the German language. Someone had obviously smuggled it across the border.
President Thomas S. Monson

Was President Monson's time "wasted"? No. He was blessed greatly for his willingness to sacrifice his time.

We should eagerly look for opportunities to sacrifice because of the increased faith and blessings that we will be given.
Sacrifice your time: Read scriptures, Pray, Go to church, Serve in your callings, Perform acts of service.
Sacrifice your possessions: Pay tithing, Give a generous fast offering.
Sacrifice your will: Obey the commandments, Follow the prophet, Listen to the counsel of your leaders, Do not murmer.

33 Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.
34 Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.
D&C 64:33-34

How to Respond to Bullying

Here's an outline of the recommendations made in a research study on bullying.

Nutshell version

1. Verify
2. Stand up without escalating
3. Report it
4. Fight back (without violence if possible)

Detailed version

1. Determine whether or not the bullying is actual bullying. Is it intended to cause harm? Is it repeated or just one incident? Can it be stopped or is there an imbalance of power that makes your child unable to do anything about it? Bickering between kids is not bullying. Learn the difference and teach your kids the difference.

2. Teach your child to take a stand. Ignoring it is just about the worst thing you can do. Patience is one thing, but teach kids that they have lines that shouldn't be crossed. Teach your child to strongly stand up for themselves verbally. Help them learn how to do this without escalating the situation. It's a little tricky, but they can tell someone to knock it off without threatening anyone or breaking any laws. They should only ask once. Anything else just makes the bullying worse.

3. If the verbal stand doesn't work, they need to report it to someone - and again, once and only once (per person). Tell the teacher and if that doesn't work, go to the principal. If that doesn't do it, go to the police (in most states bullying is illegal and a lot can be done if you have documented things). Anything more than one report is a waste of time. If they don't act, they aren't going to.

4. If that doesn't work, send a written email to the principal explaining that you have reported the situation, and will be taking action yourself since the school has failed to deal with it. Teach your child to fight back. I recommend something that is physical but non-violent like wrestling, jiu-jitsu, or judo. Pinning someone stands up a lot better in court than punching someone's face in. But - the research I worked on clearly showed that victims who fought back didn't have the side effects that pure victims had, and it actually helped bullies stop too. Yes - it is politically uncool - but fighting back is the single best way to help both the victim and the bully.

Additional notes

Bulling turns into terrible things later on. Bullies have much higher rates of incarceration, committing rape and sexual assault, and suicide. Victims are much more likely to be raped or victimized as adults, and have higher rates of suicide and drug use. Fighting back is essential because victims have to get their control back. Do what you have to do, change schools, transfer classes, call the cops - but let your kids know that this will stop. Don't wait months to take action. Anything that lasts more than a few days is way too long. Teach your kids that bullying happens. They aren't ruined for life because they got bullied. In fact, it should make them stronger. But a bully should know that every time they try anything with your child, there will be a response.. every, single, time.

As a side note - most parents of bullies think their kids are the victims. This is why it is so important to define it clearly and be very honest with your kids that if they provoke the situation, their world will get very uncomfortable too. You can't be a victim and a bully - doesn't work that way.

Source: Cougarboard

Placebo Effect

Definition: a beneficial effect, produced by a placebo drug or treatment, that cannot be attributed to the properties of the placebo itself, and must therefore be due to the patient's belief in that treatment.

The term “placebo” refers to a dummy pill passed off as a genuine pharmaceutical, or more broadly, any sham treatment presented as a real one. By definition a placebo is a deception, a lie. But doctors have been handing out placebos for centuries, and patients have been taking them and getting better, through the power of belief or suggestion—no one’s exactly sure. Even today, when the use of placebos is considered unethical or, in some cases, illegal, a survey of 679 internists and rheumatologists showed that about half of them prescribe medications such as vitamins and over-the-counter painkillers primarily for their placebo value.

There’s one more strange twist: The PiPS [Harvard’s Program in Placebo Studies] researchers have discovered that placebos seem to work well when a practitioner doesn’t even try to trick a patient. These are called “open label” placebos, or placebos explicitly prescribed as placebos.

The placebo effect is not a single phenomenon but rather a group of inter-related mechanisms. It’s triggered not just by fake pharmaceuticals but by the symbols and rituals of health care itself—everything from the prick of an injection to the sight of a person in a lab coat.

And the effects are not just imaginary, as was once assumed. Functional MRI and other new technologies are showing that placebos, like real pharmaceuticals, actually trigger neurochemicals such as endorphins and dopamine, and activate areas of the brain associated with analgesia and other forms of symptomatic relief.

Steps to maximize the effect of a placebo:

1. Choose a pill color that you associate with success in what you want. What color do you associate with sleep? Use that color for a "sleeping pill".
2. Use capsules rather than pills because they look more scientific and therefore have a stronger effect.
3. Compose a set of instructions that cover not only how to take them but what exactly the pill is going to do.
4. A higher price increases the sense of value. It will make them work better.
5. One of the key elements of the placebo effect is the way our expectations shape our experience. Make it very official-looking: the pill bottle, the label, the prescription, the receipt from the pharmacy, the instruction sheet, etc.
6. Have or be an empathetic caregiver. Having another person involved (like the prescribing doctor or other caregiver) who expresses genuine empathy and wants you to get better helps the effect.
7. Follow the regimen. It is important to take the capsules faithfully and as directed, because previous studies have shown that adherence to the treatment regimen increases placebo effects.
8. Be patient and positive. Tell yourself things like, "Like any medication, the placebo might take some time (minutes, days, weeks, whatever seems appropriate) to build up to a therapeutic dose."

Some types of people are affected more by placebos than others.

Worriers, people with higher dopamine levels, can exhibit greater levels of attention and memory, but also greater levels of anxiety, and they deal poorly with stress. Warriors, people with lower dopamine levels, can show lesser levels of attention and memory under normal conditions, but their abilities actually increase under stress. The placebo component thus fits into the worrier/warrior types as one might expect: Worriers tend to be more sensitive to placebos; warriors tend to be less sensitive.

Source: "Why I Take Fake Pills", Smithsonian Magazine

The Rabbi and the Soap Maker

There is an old Jewish tale about a soap maker who did not believe in God. One day as he was walking with a rabbi, he said, “There is something I cannot understand. We have had religion for thousands of years. But everywhere you look there is evil, corruption, dishonesty, injustice, pain, hunger, and violence. It appears that religion has not improved the world at all. So I ask you, what good is it?”

The rabbi did not answer for a time but continued walking with the soap maker. Eventually they approached a playground where children, covered in dust, were playing in the dirt.

“There is something I don’t understand,” the rabbi said. “Look at those children. We have had soap for thousands of years, and yet those children are filthy. What good is soap?”

The soap maker replied, “But rabbi, it isn’t fair to blame soap for these dirty children. Soap has to be used before it can accomplish its purpose.”

The rabbi smiled and said, “Exactly.”

Our faith must be used in order to be of benefit to us and others. The atonement of Jesus Christ must be used for us to be forgiven and to turn our weaknesses into strengths (Ether 12:27).

Source: President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

The Power of Literature

"For does a crop grow in any field to equal this [papyrus], on which the thoughts of the wise are preserved? ... It is the snowy pith of a green plant, a writing surface which takes black ink for its ornament; on it, with letters exalted, the flourishing corn-field of words yields the sweetest of harvests to the mind, as often as it meets the reader's wish."
Cassiodorus, Variae (XI.383-6)

Cassiodorus was a Roman statesman who lived around 485 - 585 AD. After his retirement from public life he founded a monastery with the goal to preserve classical literature and to educate others. He viewed reading as a transformative act for the reader.

Source: The Great Courses - History of Science: Antiquity to 1700

Perspective and Truth

"The world is seen through human eyes and processed through human minds. Minds that are developed and conditioned by human society.  While the natural world is not a human creation, our descriptions of it and our perceptions of it have to be."

"Imagine a crowd of people standing around and admiring an immense and intricately and beautifully decorated building like the Palace of Versailles. Ask each one of them independently for a description of what they saw."

"It will come as no surprise that each person gives a slightly different description. No two will be identical even though all the people were looking at the same building. Each person will make choices of features of particular interest to him, will see and interpret things according to his own unique mind and dispositions."

"A priest for example might speak most about the chapel and see religious symbolism where others don't. A mathematician might focus on the geometry of the architecture and notice symmetries and proportions which may or may not have been in the mind of the original architect. A gardener might make mention of things nobody noticed, like curious plants growing out of cracks in the wall. You can also be sure that a 19th century group of people would describe it differently from a 21st century group of people."

"So the description of an object is dependent on both the reality of the object - the thing being described, and the societal context of the observer - the thing doing the describing."

There are sometimes things which seem to contradict. If we have the full picture we may find out that all the perspectives are right. Everyone's perception of reality is biased by their own experiences and world view. One view is not necessarily of more or less value than another view. But we should try to understand the viewpoint of others when we try to understand what they are trying to say to us.

Source: The Great Courses - History of Science: Antiquity to 1700

Life is an Adventure

This example of a man who travels but doesn't learn much is from a series of lectures about the history of science. The professor wants us to learn from the past but not to judge the historical figures and cultures through the lens of "today". I really liked the story.

"Imagine a traveler who takes with him the definitions and evaluations of things he devised in the narrow confines of his own home town. Let's say he travels to France. He's in France now, and in due course he gets hungry. So he begins to look for food. Well, to him back at home, food means fast-food."

"So he searches around France for McDonalds. He has to search a long time, but eventually he finds one or another - but many, many fewer than he's used to. Since he hasn't bothered to learn the local language and doesn't care to expand his horizons by coming to know the local natives, these are the only places he finds to eat."

"So what does he conclude when he gets home from his trip? That in France the food is just like the food at home, except that there's a whole lot less of it. So the French must not be as advanced in regards to food or as interested in food."

"He has missed the entire point of travel. Travel is most valuable when it expands our horizons. It teaches us new things and new perspectives. It forces us to question our assumptions. And it urges us to discover and even adopt new things that we might have never heard of before."

I think the story illustrates a useful point. Sometimes when we experience something new we want to interpret it in terms of what we already know and understand instead of letting the thing stand on its own and learning about it according to its own terms.

It also makes me think of people (like myself) who tend to get wound up when things go off-book. It is good to remember that the fun is in the journey more than the destination. And in life, things often do not go according to plan. Be willing to open up yourself to new experiences. There is truth and goodness in a lot of unexpected places. We can learn truth and add it to what we have, collecting it from whatever sources are available, instead of just relying on what we already have.

"[Life] is an adventure. Pack your bags. Leave the bad baggage at home. Travel light. Keep your eyes and ears open. Talk to the natives. Listen to the natives. Try to understand the natives. And have fun."

Source: The Great Courses - History of Science: Antiquity to 1700

Leaning Tower of Pisa

The Leaning Tower of Pisa is very old. Back in the 11th century AD the city of Pisa wanted to build a cathedral. For a cathedral you need to build the cathedral itself, but you also need a baptistry and a bell tower. These cathedrals were enormous and took a long time to build. Towards the end of the 12th century, they were ready to start on the bell tower, so an architect was hired to design and construct one.

Normally the bell tower is attached to the cathedral to provide strength and stability to the tower, but the land that they could get for this tower was not directly next to the cathedral. Also, the land was kind of swampy. Both of those issues led to problems. After the first two floors of the tower were built, it began to lean.

The architect was fired. The engineer's reputation and career were ruined. The city of Pisa was embarrassed and nobody else wanted to work on the tower. They doubted that it could be successfully completed. And even if it was they did not want their name associated with it. The tower was considered doomed, and even cursed by some.

Eventually, almost 100 years later, they found someone who was willing to try. The new architect used lighter materials on the side it was leaning towards and tried to curve the top so that it would end up a little straighter at the top (the tower is kind of banana shaped now). It took another 100 years, but finally the tower was finished.

Ironically, the thing that brought the city so much embarrassment originally is the very thing that brings the city fame and tourists now. If it weren't for the leaning tower, probably very few tourists would visit Pisa today.

It is a good reminder that sometimes really great things can come from what is originally considered a failure.



Source: Our tour guide in Pisa, Italy

Finding Nuggets of Gold

Oftentimes we are like the young merchant from Boston, who in 1849, as the story goes, was caught up in the fervor of the California gold rush. He sold all of his possessions to seek his fortune in the California rivers, which he was told were filled with gold nuggets so big that one could hardly carry them.

Day after endless day, the young man dipped his pan into the river and came up empty. His only reward was a growing pile of rocks. Discouraged and broke, he was ready to quit until one day an old, experienced prospector said to him, "That's quite a pile of rocks you are getting there, my boy."

The young man replied, "There's no gold here. I'm going back home."

Walking over to the pile of rocks, the old prospector said, "Oh, there is gold all right. You just have to know where to find it." He picked two rocks up in his hands and crashed them together. One of the rocks split open, revealing several flecks of gold sparkling in the sunlight.

Noticing a bulging leather pouch fastened to the prospector's waist, the young man said, "I'm looking for nuggets like the ones in your pouch, not just tiny flecks."

The old prospector extended his pouch toward the young man, who looked inside, expecting to see several large nuggets. He was stunned to see that the pouch was filled with thousands of flecks of gold.

The old prospector said, "Son, it seems to me you are so busy looking for large nuggets that you're missing filling your pouch with these precious flecks of gold. The patient accumulation of these little flecks has brought me great wealth."

This story illustrates the spiritual truth that Alma taught his son Helaman:

"By small and simple things are great things brought to pass. …

"… And by very small means the Lord … bringeth about the salvation of many souls"

Alma 37:6–7

We often lack the patience or the understanding to find the very thing we are looking for.

Source: Quoted in a talk by M. Russel Ballard

The Wedge

"The story of the iron wedge began years ago when the white-haired farmer [who now inhabited the property on which it stood] was a lad on his father's homestead. The sawmill had then only recently been moved from the valley, and the settlers were still finding tools and odd pieces of equipment scattered about. …

"On this particular day, it was a faller's wedge—wide, flat, and heavy, a foot or more long, and splayed from mighty poundings [—which the lad found] … in the south pasture. [A faller's wedge, used to help fell a tree, is inserted in a cut made by a saw and then struck with a sledge hammer to widen the cut.] … Because he was already late for dinner, the lad laid the wedge … between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way.

"He truly meant to, but he never did. [The wedge] was there between the limbs, a little tight, when he attained his manhood. It was there, now firmly gripped, when he married and took over his father's farm. It was half grown over on the day the threshing crew ate dinner under the tree. … Grown in and healed over, the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came.

"In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained.

"Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. …

"Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. 'The wedge,' he muttered reproachfully. 'The wedge I found in the south pasture.' A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should.

"The ice storm [that winter] wasn't generally destructive. True, a few wires came down, and there was a sudden jump in accidents along the highway. … Normally, the big walnut tree could easily have borne the weight that formed on its spreading limbs. It was the iron wedge in its heart that caused the damage."
Samuel T. Whitman, "Forgotten Wedges"

We cannot afford to let wedges weaken us. These wedges can weaken individuals, families, or teams. We need to be quick to forgive so the wounds can heal and bonds can strengthen. When the test of our strength comes, it is too late to remove the wedge.

A shorter and easier version of the story:

"A young boy who lived on a farm was out playing in the field when he found a large metal wedge. He meant to put it away when he was done playing, but because he was already late for dinner, he laid the wedge between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He told himself that he would put it away later.

"He truly meant to, but he never did. The tree continued to grow. As time passed, the tree branches grew around the wedge. By the time the boy had grown up, married, and taken over his father's farm, it was grown in and healed over.

"One night, a bad winter ice storm came. One of the tree's three main limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud walnut tree remained standing.

"Early the next morning, the farmer went out to look at the tree. He was sad to see the large walnut tree that was almost as old as he was completely gone.

"Then, he saw something in the splintered ruins. 'The wedge,' he muttered. 'The wedge I found in the south pasture.' A glance told him why the tree had fallen. As the tree grew, the wedge had prevented the tree's limbs from growing together as they should have and weakened the tree.

"Normally, the big walnut tree could have easily survived the bad ice storm. It was the iron wedge in its heart that caused the damage."

Source: Referenced in a talk by President Thomas S. Monson