Bids and turns is one of the greatest tools for saving your relationships. The simple idea is a bid is anytime you invite connection, "Hey, how was your day?" And the turn is when the person turns to the bidder.
John Gottman, the leading researcher in marriage and family has found out that the healthiest couples turn 86% of the time to their partner when their partner initiates a conversation or talk. They don't keep doing what they're doing. They turn. What they're trying to do then is get in sync and to create attunement or at-one-ment.
The power in his research is the couples that were most likely to divorce were only turning 33% of the time. 86% for the healthiest marriages and 33% for the least healthy. The simple question for all of us is, "do you turn?"
Sources:
Follow Him podcast
Communication theory by John Gottman
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